w/ SiD SINiSteR

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Hollywood Hogan move over, the TRUE God of Sports Entertainment is back, Jack! Hahahaha! That's right, SiD SIN, your favorite wrestling news journalist is back, with a VENGENCE, RAW, unCUT, unFILTERED, and UNCENSORED!

First of all, Fuji, you slime editor, first you sideline FTW for that lousy Bagpipe Report, and in the process leave ME, the MAN, on the curb thumbing traffic and selling cr...well, we're not going to go there! But at least you had enough sense to come back home where you belong, and were humble enough to come crawling on your HANDS and KNEES to BEG the SiD-man back to your lowly newsletter. For that (and the fact I need the job) I have agreed. But be forewarned you worthless piece of trash, SiD means business this time. I'm going back to my roots! What brought about this change? Why, Mr. McMahon of course!

Everyone keeps chanting that McMahon is an asshole. Personally, I think all you redneck pieces of trailor park trash need to learn to know your role and shut the hell up! McMahon is a GENIOUS! All you gullible pieces of garbage fell for his master plan, hook, line, and sinker, and did it again when he brought in the VERY independent Michaels as the new Comissioner! And the greatest thing is that Austin, that TURNCOAT, is getting everything he deserves! Austin, you make me SICK! You used to be a world class heel! You put that sniveling Jehovah's witness Jake Roberts in his place, and you showed the world that the Undertaker had lost his fire. But now what do you do? You CARE about the fans, you let them CHEER you, and you make poor Mr. McMahon's life a living hell! You're no better than all the stupid fans out there that cheer your every action! So Austin, I give to you the 2-finger salute! SIT ON IT Austin!! Oh HELL Yeah! And if the McMahons, Shamrock, the Rock, and Bossman don't get you, at least I can rest assured to know that the Undertaker has truly found himself again!With Paul Bearer back at his side, you don't stand a chance against the most evil man alive!

Speaking of garbage (Stone Cold -- garbage -- same thing...), what about that crap they're trying to pass off as quality wrestling in WCW now? I used to champion WCW for their traditional approach to wrestling. Now they have Scott Hall fumbling around, beer in hand, and Eric Bischoff throwing Ric Flair out of arenas and vice versa (which is unbelievable, not even FLAIR could have that much Balls Mahoney to throw out the boss! The Horsemen belong in Jurassic Park, face it!). Bischoff is going to beat the living hell out of Flair and send him back to the nursing home. And now to top it all off, we have Goldberg STILL undefeated as champion. Now, I've given Goldberg a LOT of credit in the past...too much credit. The man is a fraud with barely any wrestling talent. Lately his matches have stunk worse than Bastion Booger's armpits, and personally I wish the Beast from the East would have torn his rotten head off! How about giving the nWo Black and White a rematch? Anybody? Let nWo Hollywood take its RIGHTFUL position on top of the world again by taking the title! That's right, the nWo Black and White are the best thing going for WCW today! I've seen the light, and you'd better believe they are the FUTURE of wrestling! You have Hollywood leading the way behind the scenes, you have great veterans such as Curt Hennig, Rick Rude, and Scott Norton (congratulations are in order to the new IWGP Champion! He truly is a wonderful 2-sport superstar and an awesome sight to behold in the ring!) as well as the young talent that will survive well into the millenium with the new leader Big Pappa Pump, Buff Bagwell, and Horace Hogan. O.W.N.? Warrior has done SQUAT since his arrival in WCW and we've seen the last of him after Hogan crushed him, I guarantee you. The real revolution is the nWo Black and White, and I'd just like to say on a final note, HOGAN in 2000! Move over Hillary!

Finally, let's talk ECW. First off, I have to give Heyman the credit he deserves...only a no-talent twit like him could bring all of the world's greatest beer guzzling white trash wrestlers and all the world's drunken redneck fans together under the common cause to beat people up with baseball bats and barbed wire! ECW is a disgrace to the wrestling community and should be shut down! You wanna talk about EXTREME stuff, just read SiD SIN, I'm the only TRUE extreme in this sport. ECW is neither extreme nor wrestling...it's just JUNK, like all the fans that pack those bingo halls! And now you've got them invading the WWF and throwing everything on end! You have the NUTCASES, aka Al Snow and Mankind, then you have the rest of the Job Squad...represented by YOUR lightheavyweight champion, DUANE GILL? I think I'm going to throw up! I know for a fact that Dick the Bruiser and Andre the Giant are rolling over in their graves this very minute! The whole situation makes me sick, and that's all I'm going to say about it!

Now for my final thoughts and predictions. Goldberg will lose to Nash in another face vs. face match that we all really HATE because they're BORING! Maybe we'll get lucky and someone like Big Papa Pump will fight Nash for the title after that and win...we can only hope. Marlena and Jackyln are the most dominant team in all of wrestling...Hell hath no fury you know! And my final thought for this issue: DDP SUCKS!

That's all for this issue of The Sting: UNCENSORED, (I know, I know, you're all heartbroken) but never fear, SiD will be back again next month,, and you can catch me weekly in Pro Wrestling Extreme, so keep your eyes open, remember to floss, put your head between your legs, and kiss your sorry ham'n'egger ass goodbye because until next time, YOU'VE JUST BEEN STUNG!

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